They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
