When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
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I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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