i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
it's like heaven, but drunker
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
