I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
