Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
