He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
