My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
