i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
