bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
