so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
