fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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