i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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