We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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