my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
