The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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