I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
