I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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