somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
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My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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