i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
