If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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