Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
this boner is exhausting
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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