You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have fence marks all over my body
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
