is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
