Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
