i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
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