oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
