rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
