hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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