Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
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Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
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Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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