i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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