He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
