brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
