just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
