Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
