If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
