I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize