Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
