The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
