god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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