I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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