Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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