i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him