even my farts smell like vagina
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon