Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"

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(502): The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!" http://tfl.nu/u8jk

Replies (23) Good night (6145) Bad night (694)
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(818): View more from California

That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!

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(818): That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister! http://tfl.nu/bmda

Replies (20) Good night (6978) Bad night (640)
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(818): View more from California

We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.

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(818): We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings. http://tfl.nu/9pm8

Replies (26) Good night (5761) Bad night (1198)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...

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(704): so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie... http://tfl.nu/pw66

Replies (40) Good night (1286) Bad night (5996)
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(219): View more from Indiana

U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"

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(219): U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus" http://tfl.nu/8y4p

Replies (12) Good night (3873) Bad night (858)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.

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(270): you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you. http://tfl.nu/d78n

Replies (8) Good night (2505) Bad night (787)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius

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(973): Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius http://tfl.nu/trod

Replies (4) Good night (626) Bad night (1640)
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(941): View more from Florida

The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo

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(941): The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo http://tfl.nu/icnx

Replies (6) Good night (1336) Bad night (602)
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(602): View more from Arizona

Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?

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(602): Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house? http://tfl.nu/arpl

Replies (14) Good night (3928) Bad night (618)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.

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(508): I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking. http://tfl.nu/mdga

Replies (16) Good night (2132) Bad night (716)
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(734): View more from Michigan

I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.

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(734): I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued. http://tfl.nu/8osh

Replies (8) Good night (1080) Bad night (304)
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(516): View more from New York

you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?

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(516): you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call? http://tfl.nu/y8f9

Replies (5) Good night (247) Bad night (633)
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(506): View more from New Brunswick

Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.

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(506): Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres. http://tfl.nu/tq3r

Replies (2) Good night (287) Bad night (602)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.

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(306): I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck. http://tfl.nu/lhcb

Replies (0) Good night (575) Bad night (230)
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(469): View more from Texas

I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car

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(469): I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car http://tfl.nu/2mv3

Replies (2) Good night (249) Bad night (597)

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