i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow