as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
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please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
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i've created a new STD.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!