Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
