im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
