i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
God gave him joint rollers for hands
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yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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