My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
