Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
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He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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