maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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