You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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