Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
