She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
