Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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