It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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