I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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