whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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