woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
