my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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