i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You don't make any sense
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