I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
