well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
